Forgiven

Sometimes as Christians we want to be selective of who we forgive or what actions we forgive. Judas was loved unconditionally by Jesus. He witnessed His miracles. He walked with Him and talked with Him. He was ministered to by Him. He even had his dirty, stank feet washed by Him (I bet those things were ashy). I wonder if they had to deal with foot fungus – okay too much.

Anyway, after all of that Judas still betrayed Him for money (about $15,000 today). To Jesus, Judas’s life was far more valuable. He was so valued that He was willing to die for Judas. Judas, on the other hand thought Jesus’ was only worth $15,000. Jesus still forgave him, and still considered him a friend. He gave his life for a friend (whom He had placed an immeasurable value on) that had placed a value of $15,000 on his head. Wait, what!

I have been struggling to forgive former co-workers who deeply wounded me. I will not go into what was done because I have chosen to let it go. I will say that for three years I was tortured, antagonized, and bullied. It was grown women behaving like junior high school girls. It effected my physical, emotional, and mental health. It was killing me and it’s not an exaggeration.

I was finally able to leave this job in March (exactly eight months ago) and my health is on the mend. I knew that I needed to forgive them for what they put me through, and I truly wanted to. However, I struggled with it. One apologized (she was the one who did most of the tormenting). I forgave her and a few others (that participated in doing her bidding). The one I struggled to forgive was the one who started the mess. She called herself a Christian and was the daughter of a Pastor (he recently passed away). Up until the day I left, she treated me like I was dung (I’ll just leave it at that). There were so many days that I sat in my car or in my office and cried because of what was being done to me. I continued to be respectful and kind towards her in spite of her actions.

This summer God lead me on a forgiveness journey, and I could not forgive her. To be honest, I hated her. If I saw her in need and I had the means to help her, I would not lift a finger nor a toe. I’d turn my nose up to her. I even went as far as admitting to God that if she were on fire, I would not spit nor urinate on her to put the flames out. I know, that is awful – thank you God for forgiving me! She has yet to apologize to me. I will probably never get an apology and I am okay with that. I have forgiven her. Her apology would be appreciated but it is no longer needed. I wish her well.

Will I ever consider her a friend like Jesus did with Judas? Jesus still called Judas a friend when he sold Jesus out for thirty pieces of silver. At this moment, my answer is no. Perhaps in time, my answer could change. I do not know the future but with God all things are possible. Our paths could cross someday, and we could become friends, but not today.

If Jesus could not only forgive but die for someone who valued Him at only $15,000 – we should be more willing to forgive each other.